As I've mentioned before I'm in the midst of a big adjustment period. New job (which I love) and new location. My apartment lease doesn't start until September so I've been commuting from home. It's a lengthy commute and there is usually traffic and/or a train delay. And for these reasons and getting up at 4:30am I usually am seriously lacking motivation to workout.
When I was training for my marathon I loved running. It meant meeting friends and catching up. It meant exploring my town. It meant getting space from my homework and the job search at the time.
Now running seems impossible. The thought of running when I get home at 6pm is daunting because I'm usually annoyed from traffic and hungry. Not a good combination. The idea of running a bit after dinner is even worse because my legs are sluggish, my stomach is full, and i have to be in bed in less than an hour. I've ran a few times later and i have trouble falling asleep.
I've been feeling guilty about not running. I do enjoy it, especially when Julie is around and we can go together, but I don't enjoy it so much that I will do anything to get my run in. Most of the guilt comes from the fact that I have a 10k next weekend and I've barely run more than two miles…
The other day julie reminded me that I don't have to run. Yes I have to run the 10k because I'm signed up but I don't have to PR. I don't have to race. I can run for fun (and donuts). And all the other days I can find other ways to move. I walk 30 minutes from work to the train every afternoon. That counts. I did a half hour of yoga yesterday to stretch and unwind. That counts. I workout on weekends. That counts.
Every little bit counts. Every minute counts. I always say don't compare yourself to others but I still struggle with it. Especially being a twin. But everyday during this transition I'm reminded that I need to ask myself what is best for me right now? Is it moving easily and in a way that is not stressful? Yes. Is it forcing myself to go for a run because I feel I have to or I should? No. You do you girls and guys. Our lives are ever changing. Right now is not forever. But we do need to respect that different points of our lives are going to mean different habits. Don't let other people's habits make you feel like you should "x".
I'm working on it everyday. For now it's the exercise that feels good even if it's walking to the train. For now it's the food that I have around. Even if my only vegetable is a bag of carrots. This isn't my forever. Cue deep breath.